What Harley and The Joker get up to in bed!
by WatchTheWorldBurn
Summary: Title says it all... all about what The Joker and Harley get up to in bed! This one is very fluffy!


**Title:** What Harley and The Joker get up to in bed!

**Author's note:** Sometimes I wish I had a girlfriend like Harley to love me unconditionally! I made The Joker a lot nicer than he really is, I think. I needed to write some girl power. But let's face it, who doesn't wants to see The Joker be a _loving_ psychopath for once? And of course I used The Joker from The Dark Knight, I think he's so cool! Ow and I bet I made some small grammar mistakes in this story, but English is not my first language. If you see something that's not right, please let me know so I can learn from it?

**Summary:** Title says it all ;) This one is very fluffy!

**Disclaimer:** The Joker and Harley aren't mine ;)

'Harley, that damned hyena is sleeping on my bed!'

'It's OUR bed!'

Grrr… I clenched my jaws and smacked the hyena off the bed. It yelped in pain and quickly got out of the bedroom.

Yuck.

There's sand on the bed.

Damn that nasty animal!

Wiping the sand off the sheets my head got flushed with ideas. Picturing myself while skinning the hyena. Chopping off his feet to make pencil holders. And wearing his teeth on a necklace. Hey! That would be a great Christmas gift for Harley!

Stomping after the hyena I spotted it in the living room.

On top of my girlfriend.

Who was cuddling it.

Petting a hyena and not ME?

I jumped onto the couch next to her. Leaning my head on her shoulder.

'Ow mister J.' She giggled and stroked my face.

The hyena tried to lick her and steal her attention again.

That's it.

It HAS to go!

I stood abruptly. Harley sensed my mood immediately and led the hyena away before I could get my hands on it.

'Now you've got my full attention, puddin'.' She put her hands in my hair. Tenderly wrapping it around her fingers.

'Just the way I like it, pooh.' I kissed her and felt her tugging on my hair as I slid my tongue into her mouth.

'Let's go to bed, mister J.' She whispered seductively. Her hot breath on my ear.

I picked my Harlequin up. She tightly held her arms around my neck and nuzzled my shoulder. I dropped her on the bed. Rather brisk. Yeah, I know… but I wasn't good at the 'gentle lover thing'. Harley played that role and if I was in a good mood I'd even allow her to do it.

She pulled my tie, forcing me closer to her and she put another kiss on my mouth. Tracing the scars on my face ow so softly. Then she backed off and changed into her night gown. I did the same, but when I was about to lay down she said: 'You're not gonna wear the make-up in bed.'

'But I mostly do!' Stomping my feet like spoiled little kid.

'Yes.' She purred. 'But not tonight. These are new sheets and I don't want greasepaint all over them.'

I gave her my puppy dog eyes but she didn't give in.

She looked so beautiful with that blonde hair and those wonderful pale blue eyes. The see through gown tugging her body in all the right places. 'All right then.' I sighed and made my way to the bathroom.

'All though I would have loved to smudge the red some more!' Harley called after me.

I looked over my shoulder and saw her wiping my red make-up off her face that had smudged during our kisses.

God, I loved that woman.

I wet a towel and wiped the make-up off my face. Not liking what I saw in the mirror as I was done. The dark eyes. The big scars that formed a Chelsea smile on my face. I felt so much stronger with the make-up on. But sometimes Harleen liked to see me without it. And she was the only person in the world who could talk me into taking my war paint off.

When I got back into the bedroom she was playing with those two damned hyena's again.

Ugh.

Defeated… I lay down next to her with my face to the wall.

'Puddin'? Don't you forget something?' I heard her shaking a bottle of pills.

I groaned. 'But Harl! I don't wanna!'

'Come on, mister J.' She cooed in my ear. It send a pleasant shiver down my spine. 'They'll make you feel better.'

I folded my arms over my chest and blocked her out. Pulling the blanket over my head.

'I heard you talking to yourself again, puddin'…' She said quietly.

'I wasn't talking to myself, I was talking to that other clown.'

'Right…'

'And don't say he's not real! YOU'RE the crazy one! You cannot see people that are standing right in front of you!'

Harleen sighed. She felt sad for her puddin' because sometimes he had such difficulty knowing what is real and what is not. He couldn't get his rest if he kept hallucinating.

Suddenly she got on top of me. Strangling my hips and holding my wrists over my head. She turned the bottle upside down and got out some pills.

'Open your mouth.'

Now, I bet you all know I _don't_ like not being in control. I don't like being submissive. I don't like doing as I was I was told. And I most certainly don't like to obey rules.

But…

This was kind of fun.

Harley tried to push some pills in my mouth as I held my lips firmly closed. I started laughing hysterically. Of course laughing like a manic and trying to keep your mouth closed didn't go really well together, so she did got some pills in :p

I grabbed her hips and flipped her over. Now, being on top of her I kissed her again. My hands roaming over her body.

'Don't you feel like something bad is about to happen?'

'What do you mean?'

Right at that moment their bedroom door swung open and own of my henchmen stormed inside.

'Boss! There's someone here for you!' He said bewildered.

Pfff… why did this had to happen NOW?!

I got up and walked with my henchmen (while kicking him against his ankles for interrupting me and Harley) to the living room where a figure was standing against the wall in the dark. Someone else sat opposite him on the couch with a cigar in his mouth.

'He's got something up his sleeve. Probably offering you some lame job and stealing your girl afterwards.' The figure standing in the shadows said. No one seemed to notice him.

'Shut up.' I grumbled to him.

Everyone stared at me. But the man leaning against the wall didn't leave the room. He kept his dark eyes fixated on the man on the couch with the cigar.

'You sure look different without you make-up, Joker.' The man on the couch said in a thick Italian accent.

'Ok. So why you're here?' I tried to ignore the dark man standing in the corner.

'I have a business deal you I think you might be interested in.'

'Yeah right. And then he'll steal your girl!' The dark man sneered.

I frowned and gestured to my henchmen. 'Get that clown out of here!'

They scuffled on their feet. Unsure of what to do. Too scared to speak up.

Then Harley got back into the living room. Covering herself up with his long purple coat. She wrapped her arms around me from behind and whispered in my ear so no one would hear: 'There's nobody there, puddin'.'

I scowled. 'But Harl -'

'Maybe I should come back some other time, Joker.' The Italian guy said.

'Yeah maybe you should.' I said in a stern voice. 'Come back tomorrow morning.'

'I will.' He told me kindly and stood up and left.

When I looked at the corner again the other man had left as well. 'He's gone now.' I said. Knowing she'll understand I didn't refer to the Italian guy.

'That's good, mister J.'

'Perhaps you were right.'

'It's OK. You know I'll always love you… whether you are quietly reading a book or running around with a machine gun.'

We shared a laugh.

Back in the bedroom Harley wanted to cuddle…

Again.

We ended up making love and as always she fell to sleep right after. Suddenly I got a great idea. I flicked on the lights and got up to get my notebook and a pencil. I wrote down my idea and drew a plan.

'Puddin'? What ya doing?' Harley asked very sleepily.

'I just gotta write my idea, pumpkin.'

'You done?'

'Almost.' Not looking at her and writing fervent in my notebook.

Then the lights went out.

'Harl! Put the lights back on! I can't write anymore!'

'Good. So now we can sleep.'

I put the lights back on and kept writing.

And everything turned black again.

'HARLEY!'

She crawled next to me and stroked my legs. 'You shouldn't be up so late, mister J.' She pulled my shirt up and kissed my bare skin.

'But I've got some great ideas!'

'Write them down tomorrow.' She stroked my chest.

'But I won't remember then!'

'I'm sure you'll come up with new ones.' She pulled my pants down a little to plant tiny kisses on my hips.

'But –' Her hands wondered between my legs. 'Okay… I'll write them down tomorrow…'

'Good! And now I want some more pudding!'

**The End**

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